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Guidelines For Domestic Unity
 There is nothing worse for a family than two parents who are not united. We see this all the time with celebrities: Last year, it was Kate and Jon Gosselin, and now it is Brooke and Charlie Sheen, along with Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva, the mother of his nine-month-old daughter. Unfortunately, we don't have to look to the tabloids to see this phenomenon firsthand. Personally, I have witnessed many of my friends, and even neighbors, fight continuously in front of their children, badmouth their spouses behind their backs, and even lie to outsiders about their partner's behavior. These couples, who do not work to become unified, often do not understand just how important working together as a cohesive unit is to the success of their relationship. When these partners become parents, it is even more critical to work as a team. If you and your partner are struggling to see eye-to-eye or raise your family, please consider the following guidelines: Talk out your differences in a calm and patient manner, listening closely to the other person's viewpoint. Communication is the key to becoming integrated. Flying off the handle or jumping to conclusions will always get you nowhere. Take the time to sit down and really talk with one another; you may be surprised that your views are not as different as you think! Learn the art of compromise. Partners who always insist on everything going their way, along with those who never stick up for themselves, weaken the team. Partnerships work best when they are comprised of two equals, so make sure to listen to and consider your partner's opinion, and don't be afraid to speak up. (If you are afraid, you are in the wrong partnership!) Speak well of your partner to your children and everyone else. When we make disparaging comments about our partners in front of family and friends, we tarnish their reputations. Besides, doing so is extremely disrespectful. When we talk badly about our partners to our children, or within our children's earshot, we are not only hurting our partner, we are hurting our children. Children deserve to be free from adult confrontations and disagreements. It is the parents' responsibility to shield them from having to face or be exposed to adult issues at too young of an age. If you do not like something about your partner, tell them and your counselor; do not go blabbing to anyone else (unless, of course, you fear for your or your children's safety). It is no one else's business! Participate in activities that bring you closer together. To build strong bonds and strengthen your relationships and families against division, you must spend time together. This does not have to cost money and does not have to be elaborate. It can be cleaning out the garage, building a dog house for your new puppy, hiking a trail close to your home, or working on a scrap book. Just being together and creating something together will bring you closer to one another. Please remember, once relationships, partnerships, and families become divided, it is sometimes impossible to bring them back together. Words said in anger and disrespectful actions can easily cause hurt feelings that will not heal. It is best to learn to work together to build stability and connection so that when outside pressures and emergencies arise, you look to one another for strength, not for someone to blame. Anna Sherise
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