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Ask Anna & Ellie: There's Only So Much A Grandma Can Do
 Dear Anna and Ellie: I just returned home from a 10 day stay that I was supposed to have with my grandchildren. Let me say first, my son is not in the children's lives on his own choice. I had major concerns about the welfare of my grandchildren, and I turned the mother into CPS. The mother is currently under an investigation with them and was forbidden to be around her boyfriend; however, that has not mattered to her, they force the grandchildren to call him "Daddy," even though he is not to be around them. The boyfriend is forbidden to be around because he is a convicted drug offender (Meth). I have spoken with the CPS worker, and they did another intake and confronted the mother about the boyfriend, and she bold faced lied and said he was not in her life. CPS is aware of her lie, but they feel they have to give her another chance because they see her making an effort in cleaning her house better. I was finally able to see my grandkids for about 5 hrs 1 day and a few hours the next, which happened to be a Friday. Within an hour of dropping the kids off, I received a call that the boyfriend was using the cell phone and stated it was him and wanted to provide some info to that person. I know he is still around my grandchildren, and I do not know what to do at this point. I have offered to hire a private investigator for CPS, and they turned me down and told me I would be wasting my money because they have to allow her another chance; however, the system is not working. They let her know when they are coming, and they do not do spot checks on weekends, so she has the boyfriend around on weekends. I live out of state and have been told that the children would be placed with family in town first, and her mother already has taken custody of her oldest son, which caused this initial investigation, which happens to be the 4th and my complaint is the 5th that I am aware of. I have also been warned about looking like I am a BUTTINSKY, as they will just ignore my concerns. I do not know what to do at this point. I raised 6 children of my own and do not want to raise more; however, if it were to give my grandchildren a better life, my husband and I are willing to raise them in a healthy clean environment. Please suggest what more I can do. --Concerned Grandma Dear Concerned Grandma: We have been thinking about your situation since we received your e-mail last week and feel so very sorry for you and your grandchildren. We are not attorneys. So, unfortunately, we will not be able to provide you with legal alternatives to guide you; however, if you can afford it, we recommend you hire an attorney in the state where your grandchildren live. Even though we cannot provide you with legal counsel, we still have a few thoughts that may help you: You cannot control your grandchildren's mother, but you may be able to influence your son. Why is he "not in the children's lives on his own choice"? These are his children, and he has legal power where you do not. Can you and your husband meet with him to try to appeal to his sense of responsibility and compassion? Does he know that his children are in danger and that CPS has become involved? It seems that he is the person where you should focus your energies in order to try to help him come to his senses. Sadly, grandparents do not have the legal standing that parents do, although there is never any harm in being a "buttinsky" when it involves the welfare of your grandchildren. Please don't listen to whoever warned you against this, they were wrong. You love your grandchildren and want them to be safe. Regardless of the names you are called, or whether others try to intimidate you, stay involved. Now that CPS is taken over the case, you must let them do their jobs. They have procedures that must be followed. We know this is extremely frustrating (and may even be dangerous), but there really is nothing else you can do while they are looking into the welfare of the children. The fact that you live far away from them makes it even more difficult for you, although visiting as often as possible will let the children know you care about them and help you to feel that you are doing the most you can under horrible conditions. We wish we could be more helpful. --Anna & Ellie Do you have a life or relationship question for Anna and Ellie? Do you want to know how Magna Sententia applies to your situation? Submit your question here! Disclaimer
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