Dear Anna and Ellie:
I'll spare you all the gory details, but let's just say that at this point it seems like life isn't all it's cracked up to be. (In the last three months alone, I was diagnosed with a lifelong, life-changing illness, my daughter had major complications in a major surgery, and my husband was informed that he is about to lose his job.)
Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to go jump off a bridge or anything. I'm just severely disillusioned. With people, with religion, with politics, with all this crap that happens day in and day out.
Will life ever throw us a bone? Will things ever get better? Is it even possible to happy for any length of time?
--Down On Life
P.S. If you say that I just need an attitude adjustment or that I should stop and smell the roses more often, I'll scream!
Dear Down On Life:
We are sorry that you are going through such a trying time. Without exception, every life has its struggles, admittedly some more often than others. Considering what you are currently experiencing, we definitely understand why you feel that "life isn't all it is cracked up to be." And no, the solution is not simply an attitude adjustment or to stop and smell the roses, although these can never hurt.
Sometimes, if we look at each obstacle we're facing one at a time, they seem less overwhelming:
Being diagnosed with a life-long, life-changing illness is emotionally exhausting. Personally, we empathize with your experience, as we were recently diagnosed with Celiac Disease, which forces many major lifestyle changes and, if left untreated, can lead to serious health problems. We've learned that you have to allow yourself time to grieve the loss of how life used to be, giving yourself permission to feel disappointed and acknowledge how scary it is to realize that your health is incredibly fragile and can be taken away at any moment.
The next step is to become educated so that you don't feel so powerless and hopeless. Education also provides a greater sense of control over your circumstances. The loss of feeling in control of your own life is a difficult aspect of any illness. Join a support group, or start your own. This is an excellent way to learn more about your disease and how others have learned to manage it and cope with it. Online support groups are another effective option.
Your daughter's major complications with a major surgery are undoubtedly extremely scary and stressful. Here again, it is easy to feel like life is out of control, but this is another area where education is the key. What steps can your daughter take to fully regain her health? Can you help her? At the same time, it is important to remain realistic and not to take on more than you can possibly handle by yourself. If your daughter is young, assisting her will consume a great deal of your time; however, if she is older, you will have to stop yourself from getting overly involved in her life to the point where you have no life of your own. Do what you can, but realize that in order to be there for someone else, you have to take care of yourself first. If you are not giving yourself time to exercise, sleep, relax (a little), and eat well, you will eventually be no good for your daughter. Remember that you can only do what you can do.
Your husband's impending job loss is yet another tremendously emotional and stressful event. Unfortunately, the two of you are not alone in this area: So many in our country are also coping with this and learning to manage the related stress. There are numerous support groups out there for the unemployed, and we would encourage your husband to join one. Also, concentrate on living day by day and making good choices in terms of spending your money. While planning and being prepared is always good, do not worry about events too far out in the future because you will just get all worked up. No one knows what tomorrow will bring!
Maybe this would be a good time for your husband to either gain new skills in his current field or find a completely different way of earning a living. When we go through difficult times, we are often forced to be more creative, and this can change a person's life forever. For example, maybe the two of you could start a business together, or he could pursue a career he has always dreamed of but never thought was possible. Again, having control over what happens to you can go a very long way in making you feel better about life.
Due to some of the phrases you used in your e-mail, we want you to know that if you ever do feel suicidal, please reach out for help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) is a free hotline available 24 hours a day. You are not weak, or a bad person, because you feel the way to you; you are someone who is experiencing three extremely difficult situations all at the same time, and that is more than many of us could handle without help. Even though your depression seems situational, please share your feelings with your physician. He or she needs to know and most likely has many additional resources to help you and your family through these difficult times.
Speaking of help, don't hesitate to reach out to other family members and friends. Let them know you are exhausted and need a break. It is amazing how much our perspective changes when we are well-rested and have had some time to just relax and regroup. Can other family members help you with some of your responsibilities while you are learning to manage your illness? Can friends take a turn helping your daughter so that she does not have to solely rely on you? Does your husband have friends or relatives that he can share his employment worries with so that you are not his only source of emotional support, which is a huge responsibility for you? All of these little steps will help to alleviate some of the stress you are currently feeling.
Lastly, the truth is that life is what it is. There is no magic formula to make it better or more fair. All we can ask of ourselves is to do the very best we can each day. Yes, it is exceedingly difficult to have a good attitude when life keeps piling problem after problem on us and the pressure never lets up. Nonetheless, our only option is to keep fighting and find ways to ease some of the stress by taking care of ourselves, becoming educated, and asking for assistance so that we can manage our lives as best as possible.
We hope this helps and that your life gets better before too long.
--Anna & Ellie
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Disclaimer
Anna Sherise and Ellie Sherise are not licensed or trained healthcare professionals, counselors, or financial advisors. "Ask Anna & Ellie" is provided for informational purposes only, and is not intended to take the place of the care and advice given to you by your physician, counselor, other healthcare professional, or financial advisor. Sherise Media LLC, its members and representatives, specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this article and/or website.