Dear Anna and Ellie:

I read that Ellie has celiac disease and thought you might be the person to ask how I should handle next week's Thanksgiving dinner. Many of the family and friends that are coming to our house have some type of dietary restriction, and I am getting overwhelmed with all of the special dishes I will need to make. How can I respect their needs and maintain my sanity?

I was thinking of having everyone bring a dish they could eat and I will supply the turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, and vegetable. Does that sound reasonable or will they think I am being a lazy host?

--Too Many Dishes To Cook

Dear Too Many Dishes To Cook:

It is very thoughtful of you to be so cognizant of the dietary restrictions of your family and friends, and this will surely make all of your guests feel welcome. However, you also need to take care of yourself, which means not going crazy trying to fulfill everyone else's needs. Reaching a balance as host can be tricky, but it can be done, especially if both hosts and guests remember that what really counts is being together, showing appreciation for one another, and having fun.

Preparing dishes to meet dietary restrictions that are not your own can be extremely difficult and stressful, particularly if the other person's diet is not widely known, intricate, and critical to his or her health (that is a lot of responsibility!). For instance, it may be easier to recognize recipes that are suitable for your lactose intolerant uncle and vegetarian sister than it is to find one for your celiac cousin. Personally, for Thanksgiving (and all other gatherings), Ellie does not expect her family and friends to take it upon themselves to cook for her because there are hidden sources of gluten everywhere and she has a bad reaction from even slight cross-contamination. That would be too much to ask! Instead, she will bring along a dish or two that she can eat and share.

As a host, your duty is make your guests feel welcome, which means acknowledging their dietary restrictions and being as accommodating as is realistic. This does not mean providing a dish for every dietary restriction. Tell your family and friends with special diets that you are aware of their needs and want them to feel comfortable, and since you will be providing the turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, and vegetable, they can bring anything else they would like to enjoy.

--Anna & Ellie

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