The Axiom Of Respect
Individuals Demonstrate Valid Behavior
By Treating Themselves And Others Respectfully
And Respecting Only Those Who Earn It
As a 20-something single, I’ve endured my fair share of demeaning relationship-status comments/questions: “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” “Don’t you want to get married?” “Eventually, won’t you want children?” “You’d better hurry and find someone. Your parents are going to want grandchildren!” And one I find particularly rude, “Oh . . . are you a lesbian?” (I’m heterosexual, but if I were a lesbian, the way this question is put would be extremely insulting.)
These questions have no good answers: Whether I “just haven’t met the right person” or am “focusing on my career right now,” the response is either pity or blame: “Don’t worry, it will happen,” or “So that’s why she’s still single.”
If you’ve had similar experiences, you know that even if it’s unintentional, all of this dialogue tends to imply that somehow you and your life are inadequate if you aren’t in a relationship, or if you’re in a relationship, that there is something wrong in your relationship if you aren’t married, or if you are married, there is something missing in your life if you don’t have children.
The truth is that the status of your relationship (or your lack thereof) is no one’s business but your own, so even if you are pestered, have enough self-confidence not to degrade yourself: Don’t make up an “excuse” that is self-depreciating or share more about your situation than you’re comfortable with. Remember, you are a worthy and valuable person just as you are.
Also the truth: You must learn to love yourself and your life, regardless of whether or not you ever have a significant other, partner, spouse, or children, and if you decide to get married and/or have children, it should be because you want to, not because your friends, parents, in-laws, relatives, or co-workers are making you feel badly.
Ellie Sherise
Co-Creator of Magna Sententia
Co-Author of Magna Sententia: The Logical Cure for Our Society