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Ask Anna & Ellie: My Son Is An Irresponsible Father
 Dear Anna and Ellie: I have about had it with my son. All his life, he has been in some kind of trouble or another. Ever since he was in high school, he has been in trouble with the law. Nothing serious, just small stuff like driving without a license or insurance. He also can't keep a job. He loses his temper and gets fired. Now he is an unemployed, single father of two small children. I love the grand kids - and so does my wife, but I am so tired of getting him out of his messes. He doesn't have enough money to pay for their clothes. The oldest just started school. How will he be able to raise good kids if he can't even live right himself. He is my biggest mistake (but I don't really know what I did wrong) and all I can say is thank God I only had one kid. Do I continue to help him for the sake of his kids, or do I wash my hands of the whole mess once and for all? --My Son Is No Man Dear My Son Is No Man: Before we discuss whether or not you should continue helping your son, please ask yourself and honestly answer this question: Do you feel your grandchildren are well cared for and safe? The Child Welfare Information Gateway not only defines child neglect, but also helps you handle these extremely difficult situations: If you suspect a child is being abused or neglected or if you are a child who is being maltreated, contact your local child protective services office or law enforcement agency, so professionals can assess the situation. Many States have a toll-free number to call to report suspected child abuse or neglect. To find out where to call, consult the Information Gateway publication, Child Abuse Reporting Numbers. If your grandchildren are not being neglected, but are nonetheless suffering from their father's irresponsibility, it still puts you in a very troubling position, and our hearts go out to you. Living according to Magna Sententia, adults take responsibility for themselves and their children, and if you take on your adult son's responsibilities, he will never become self-sufficient. However, you may not want to "wash [your] hands of the whole mess" because of your grandchildren. Fortunately, there are many ways you can help your grandchildren without "enabling" your son. The idea is to directly provide your grandchildren with specific goods or services they need: Take them shopping for clothes, have them over for dinner, buy their school supplies, pay their medical bills (make sure you actually see and send in the bill!), or start a college fund for them. Whatever you do, do not give your son money "for the grandchildren." Most likely, he will either spend it unwisely or on himself. The best thing you can do for your grandchildren is to stay involved and be a good influence: Invite their friends over so you know who they are spending time with, attend their curriculum night and parent-teacher conferences, and just listen. They need you to be the someone they can look up to who is a positive role model for their lives. --Anna & Ellie Do you have a life or relationship question for Anna and Ellie? Do you want to know how Magna Sententia applies to your situation? Submit your question here! Disclaimer
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