Dear Anna and Ellie:
My 26-year-old son wants to borrow money from me and I am not sure I want to lend it to him. He is very responsible and I think he would pay me back, for some reason though, I just don't know if lending him money is a good idea.
Since he graduated from college, he has paid back his college loans, paid for his apartment, purchased furniture and other living necessities, and always pays off his credit cards. Like I said, he is responsible. I don't know why I am hesitant. What do you think?
I think he will be disappointed and wonder why if I do not lend him the money. He needs a new car and has not been able to save for a down payment. I can afford it.
--Stingy Mom
Dear Stingy Mom:
You are not "stingy." Your son is an adult and therefore responsible for himself (according to Magna Sententia). You are in no way obligated to lend him money for a new car, even if he is financially responsible, and you should do so only if you truly want to.
Most likely, you are hesitant to lend your son money because this could easily negatively affect your relationship: He could fail to pay you back or get in the habit of asking you for money, leaving you uncomfortable, frustrated, or angry. It is completely reasonable for you to be wary of lending out money or important items to family and friends. No one wants money or material objects to become a thorn in these relationships, so between family and friends, it is best to only lend out what you don't mind never seeing again.
If you would like to help your son, perhaps you could give him a gift that is not as much as the whole down payment, but would help him on his way. Otherwise, tell your son that you know he is responsible, but it would make you too uncomfortable to lend him the money because you would never want money to come between the two of you.
--Anna & Ellie
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